we have officially lost it.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
