he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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