you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
