Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
