ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
