i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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