I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
