the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize