Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
