I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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