So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
