she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
