We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
