meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize