It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
