We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
