Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
