Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
