I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
