haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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