i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
high people should be assigned attendants
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
