You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
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