Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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