1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
