I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Randomize
