I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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