WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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