Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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