I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
