I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
