There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
