fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
