So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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