it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
It's Friday. Sex?
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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