I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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