He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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