someone threw a dead crab at me
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize
