I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize