Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
