I wish I could teleport
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
