Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
