Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I have already put on my inside pants.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
