I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
