happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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