Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
you guys were way drunker than both of me
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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