The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
