He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
