My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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