Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
