You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
