So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize