Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Randomize
