She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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