just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
