Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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