listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
