haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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