I think im going to throw up on grandma
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
