I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
