Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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