what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
