i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
