Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
