she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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