just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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