I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
