we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
