I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
