so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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