Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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