she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
