well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize