Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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