I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
