super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
