i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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