What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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