It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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