so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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