what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize