I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
So much Jack, so little girl.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
