I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
