piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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