I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
