i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
