That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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