and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
